Rules for my Unborn Son

I recently stumbled upon this website, Rules for my Unborn Son. This guy writes advice for his unborn child while he is still "young and cool". Some of them are pretty funny...

398. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

388. If you don't know what a knob does, don't fool with it.

360. Never under any circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant.

333. Bodysurf.

291. Don't stare. People-watch.

I've decided to write down some rules for my unborn daughter.

1. Never rat your hair to gain height or to make a poof. I will not help you brush it out if you get into a tangle.

2. Though you may be funnier than those around you, don't tell them that. Odds are they won't like that very much.

3. You will watch black and white movies. They are a necessity of any education.

4. Though you may not like to read, you will like that I read to you.

5. Though I expect you to love your father, I expect you to love me a little bit more.

6. You will spend at least 4 Saturdays of your life watching Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth with me.

7. Take your mom out to lunch once in a while, she'll love it.

8. Remember it's not cheating, it's called utilizing your resources.

9. It's not stalking if it shows up in your News Feed.

10. If you are a younger sibling, you will choose the same topic as they did so we can recycle projects. Momma's a busy girl, sweetie.

11. If you are smart (you will be) don't go around rubbing it in everyone's faces, flashing your early acceptance into Stanford, your high grade on essay tests etc. It's obnoxious and no one will like you and will talk behind your back. Can you tell I knew a girl?