Muchness, Where Are You?

As of late, I've felt like I have lost my muchness. That oomph, a certain joie de vivre, that fire, has been missing.

I'm back in school for my last semester, possibly my most challenging yet. And it kind of sucks. I was all gung ho (is that how it's spelled?) about going back to school and changing my habits, but now that I'm back, that seems harder to do. I think that essentially, I'm a lazy person. I kind of like things to be easy. I don't like putting time into things that I don't enjoy doing. This makes it especially difficult to get my homework done. I always find things I would like to do more.

I'm on that path back. Avoidance isn't working. The work's still there, waiting for me, just piled up even more.

It's really my attitude that sucks. I need to change my way of thinking. I know I say that a lot, and since this blog is more for my benefit than for yours, I guess I'll keep saying it until it really sinks in. I need to change some habits, and learn to have a little faith.

I got a fantastic father's blessing from my dad before I came back to school this semester. In it everything was reaffirmed to me that I am heading in the right direction. But that direction is still fraught with blind spots and speed bumps.

Things are kind of starting to come together, slowly but surely. I had a good time at church yesterday. I laughed a lot. I'm making more friends and that makes me feel good. As that change occurs, I'm hoping others follow suit. I haven't been myself, my "muchness" if you will, has been missing.

I'm trying to get it back, but it's not an overnight kind of thing. I'm looking forward to the process though. Maybe in the future, my posts will seem much more muchier.