Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Loving Myself: Introspections on a New Year

January 1st. The day we all decree that we are going to change. That this new year will be better than the last. We all make crazy promises to ourselves that we're going to go to the gym everyday and spend less money on clothes.

I've made the same promises. Promises that I'll eat better, that I'll work more, and believe in myself harder. That last one is a kicker. Believing in yourself.

Isn't that where resolutions go to die? I like to think that I believe hardest in myself. That if there was nothing else I could believe, I could believe in me. I could believe in what I knew about myself, and things that made me me. I thought at 24, that I would have reached that finished state, that "me" destination where I was set. This was me. This is who I'm going to be. It was a startling realization to find that I'm no more finished finding me than the sun is done rising.

We are constantly changing and evolving, bettering ourselves, becoming. And that's a noble pursuit. It's natural to want something more for yourself. And what better time to start than at the beginning of a bright new year?

Except this year, let's make goals that we can actually reach. Resolutions that can actually be resolved. The idea of me not eating a donut in 2014 is not really believable. Donuts are delicious. Lets make plans to become a better us. Look at our lives and find one thing that we're not comfortable with. Start there.

We live in an age of body-shaming and it's relentless. It permeates everything. It's on our televisions and in our magazines. Online and in print. It's even in our own hearts. Is anyone really harder on us than we are on ourselves? I'm tired of looking at myself and comparing myself to others. I have more vicious thoughts about myself than I'm sure others do. Phrases we throw out to beat others to the punch. "I'm so fat." , "Look at that whale in the mirror", etc, etc. Am I overweight? Yes. Could I stand to drop a few? Obviously. But I am still beautiful. How can I feel beautiful if I talk to myself like that? How can anyone feel anything good when they have those thoughts? How can I expect others to love me if I don't love myself? That's my resolution for 2014, to love myself so much that the rest of the world can't help but love me too.

Our beauty is so big that it should be impossible not to see it. This year I'm going to stop the fat talk, and the ugly talk, and the stupid talk, or the thin talk. We all struggle with loving our bodies in different ways. My body lets me enjoy life, read good books, and experience wonderful things. And I love it.

1 comment:

Amy Kinross said...

Good post Kristi. You gave me something to think about.